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VOICES
Therapist Don't let the social media feed of others' perfect holidays get you down
Maxine Walsh addresses the pitfalls of doom-scrolling on social media, particularly at a time when summer adventures are everywhere.
IT IS A well-debated subject… the impact of social media on our mental health. Most would agree there are pros and cons. One con is the impact on our self-worth.
There have been several recent studies on the impact of social media on our mental health particularly on our self-esteem – it seems there is a correlation between time spent scrolling on social media and low self-esteem.
One such study carried out by the American Psychological Association in February 2023 showed that reducing time on social media by 50% for just a few weeks significantly improved body image in teens and young adults.
Who are you listening to?
Social media influencers definitely step up the ante this time of year and even if you only follow a couple of them, you may already have had your feed taken up with pictures of beautiful people posing on beautiful beaches or posing with cocktails in exotic beach clubs.
In fact, even if you don’t follow influencers, you probably have friends and family uploading snap after snap of the much longed-for holiday that they had to cancel during the pandemic! And who could blame them?
However, we are in the midst of a cost-of-living crisis and we are all feeling the pinch, some more than others. The lifestyles of the rich and (TikTok) famous seem a far cry from the summer treats we may be able to provide for ourselves and our families this year. The pressure to keep up can cause a lot of anxiety for many.
Minding yourself
So how do we look after our mental health with all of this extravagance and excess seemingly going on around us? Well… first things first… let’s spring for a reality check!
What we see on social media whether it’s Aunty Mary’s Facebook feed or an influencer with millions of followers is NEVER real. It is a snapshot, most of the time it’s a filtered and staged to the hilt snapshot. It’s important to start with that fact.
Secondly, remember that the vast majority of us do not live the life of a social media influencer, while it may seem like everyone and their granny is on the Costa del Sol this summer there are plenty who will be spending the summer much closer to home.
In another study published in October 2020 – a collaboration between New York’s Columbia business school and Northwestern University’s Kellogg School of Management in Chicago, data was analysed from more than 10,000 Facebook users who had completed life satisfaction and personality assessment surveys over a period of five years. The results were very clear, the more authentic you are on social media the more content you will tend to be with life in general. Using filters and staging scenarios tends not to correlate with life satisfaction according to this very comprehensive study.
Say ‘no’ to comparison
It is so easy to fall into the comparison trap when scrolling through social media. That old saying is true, comparison IS a thief of joy. The most effective way to avoid this is of course to limit the amount of time you spend on social media but if you have built up a habit of comparing yourself to others then it won’t just be social media that feeds that gremlin.
Comparison tends to feed our inner critic. That is when it really starts to get its claws into our mental health.
We scroll through social media and subconsciously compare, when we come up short the thought patterns that follow tend to be self-critical and scathing, the emotions that follow are usually negative and uncomfortable.
There are a few ways to quiet that inner critic though, with some simple thought exercises such as a gratitude journal or self-esteem inventory that you can incorporate into your daily routine:
Gratitude
One of the most effective ways to get out of the habit of comparison is gratitude. It may seem like a bit of a buzzword but it really is effective as a mindset shifter. It can be as simple as keeping a gratitude diary where you write down two or three small things you are grateful for every day or something like creating a gratitude list on your phone or laptop and when good things happen you write them on your list and then pull that list up whenever you get into a comparison marathon.
There have been many studies on the positive effects of gratitude on mental health and all report that subjects who practised a gratitude exercise daily for a number of weeks reported better mental health than subjects who did not.
A recent study from 2020 by a team of Dutch researchers who studied more than 200 subjects who reported low to moderate well-being before beginning a six-week program of daily 15-minute gratitude exercises showed that gratitude exercises significantly improved their sense of well-being and contentment and that these levels were maintained to a satisfactory degree upon a six month follow up.
The consensus among most mental health professionals is that a daily gratitude practice tends to unshackle us from the most toxic emotions that can be at the root of mental health conditions like depression and anxiety.
Affirmations
Daily affirmations can also help to combat that negative inner critic that may be louder during this summer period. We tend to see an escalation in body-shaming on social media at this time of the year which does not help anyone who already tends to be critical of their appearance.
A 2018 study of 50 Chinese college students is one of many studies which concluded that daily affirmations such as taking inventory of your strengths, qualities or areas of personal growth can significantly increase your sense of self-worth.
A self-esteem inventory involves sitting down with a piece of paper and writing down all of your strengths and qualities that you can think of.
Most of us have more than we think we do. It’s only when you see them written down in front of you that you can truly appreciate how great you actually are. If that seems like too much then just writing one positive quality about yourself into a journal every morning for a week or two can shift your mindset into a less critical mode.
Generally, it is helpful to slow down and get into the habit of listening to our thoughts. We have 60,000 plus thoughts a day – if we spend even an hour on social media playing the comparison game then a good chunk of those thoughts may be quite negative and critical. Learning to listen to our thoughts and asking the question “would I say that to my best friend?” is a neat and powerful little trick.
If the answer is frequently ‘no’, then it is an indication that your inner critic is harsh and you need to shift into a more self-compassionate mindset. There are lots of great books out there to help you to get started. If you feel that you might need a little bit more help to change your mindset then there are lots of accredited counsellors on the IACP website www.iacp.ie with expertise in this area.
Maxine Walsh is a MIACP Counsellor, Psychotherapist and Proprietor of Adhara Counselling.
Book recommendations:
Taming your Gremlin – Rick Carson
The Mind Manual – Dr Alex George
Gratitude: A way of life – Louise Hay and friends.
